Lessons in Solitude
by Disciple of Ember
Summary: It was supposed to be simple. Kill the girl and save herself. How could such an easy decision be so hard to make?


**Something I thought up after wondering how a slightly less heartless Ellen would handle this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Witch's House or any of the characters**

* * *

Mortality was a funny thing. It always struck when you least expected it. A man who's on top of the world one day could fall down the stairs and break his neck. A master swordsman, who spent their entire life perfecting their art, could be killed by an amateur with a handgun. It had a nasty habit of striking right when you thought you were safe.

Maybe that's why she was still alive.

Ellen was no stranger to death. By now, she and the reaper were on a first name basis. He was always nearby. Looking over her shoulder… resting a hand on her shoulder when she struggled to stay upright… rubbing her back when she was struck by a fit of coughing…

She had long ago abandoned the idea of being safe. Lessons learned through hard experience had taught her that there was only one thing she could depend on; herself. If she wanted to live, she'd have to fight for her life. It was the cruel reality she'd had to live with for as long as she could remember.

Growing up, Ellen had been a sickly child. Her weakness only got worse as the years went by, and as she decayed so too did the affections of her parents. The fiends formerly known as 'mother' and 'father' had kept her at arms-length at the best of times, and outright scorned her at the worst. She used to hate them for their heartless ways, but now she knew better.

Their lack of care gave her the strength she needed to save herself. If they had been doting parents, she might not have been able to plunge the knife into their bodies or make a deal with her demon. Where would she be then?

No. It was better this way.

Still, even the demon couldn't save her from the taint in her blood. Her sickness couldn't be cured. Ellen had become a witch, had sold her very soul, all for a chance to survive and now it seemed her toils had come to nothing. She could have given up then and there, but her will to live was stronger than that.

It took many failed attempts and left countless corpses in her wake, but she finally did it. She found a way to survive. The key to her deliverance was not to fix her own body, but rather to find another that she could live on in. She could take someone else's life for her own!

There was just one small catch. The switch had to be consensual. If the other party didn't agree to trade bodies the magic wouldn't work.

Undaunted, the girl had pressed onwards. She lured the lost and the unaware into her home, discarding those who didn't fit her plans. Others might have simply given in after so many failed attempts, but not Ellen. Oh no. She was far too close to surrender now. A life without pain… how wonderful it would be.

Her patience was rewarded. Soon enough, a young girl by the name of Viola wandered by her home. She was perfect. Everything Ellen needed. She was young, strong, trusting, and most importantly of all; she was loved. The girl had a doting father who cared for her so much that it made the witch's head dizzy just thinking about it. She would do anything to feel loved like that.

It had been remarkably easy to befriend Viola. She had been awestruck when she learned that the pitiful figure in bed was capable of wielding dazzling magical powers. Ellen played her part well. Each move was carefully measured to instill sympathy for her condition. The poor little blonde never stood a chance.

She still remembered the promise with crystal clarity.

* * *

"_Viola… I don't think I have much longer…" Her declaration was followed by a ragged coughing fit that shook her frame. The other girl was quick to put a steadying arm around her shoulders._

"_Don't say that!" Viola chided. "You'll get better, I know you will! I can help. Just tell me what I need to do to make you feel better and I will."_

"_You will…?" Ellen spoke with just the right touch of heartfelt gratitude. She could see the other girl simply melt under her words. "There is one thing, but… no… I can't ask you for that."_

"_What?" The blonde asked. "If it helps you then I'll do it! You don't need to worry, I won't let you down."_

_It took a massive amount of self-control to hold back the smirk lurking behind her mask. _

"_I can't be cured." She said with finality. "But there is one thing my magic can do. It can let me switch bodies with someone else."_

_She saw fear suddenly appear in Viola's eyes and quickly worked to prevent the girl from changing her mind._

"_I would never dream of taking it from you." She assured, not mentioning that she was incapable of claiming it by force. "I just… I want to feel the sun one last time. I want to breathe without pain. Just for a day. That's all I ask. Please Viola…? For me…?"_

_The fear was still there, but the other girl forced it down behind a barrier of trust._

"_All right." She said with false courage. "I can do that. Is it going to happen right now?"_

"_Not yet." The witch explained, barely containing the excitement of her triumph. "Come back tomorrow and I'll have everything set up. I can't thank you enough…"_

_That was when Viola did something entirely unexpected. Without any warning she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around the sickly girl in a tight hug._

"_You don't have to thank me." She said into her ear. "I would never sit by and let you suffer."_

* * *

It had been only twelve hours since then, but to Ellen it felt like an eternity. Try as she might, she couldn't block out the feeling of warmth that had existed in that tiny contact. Was that what it was like to have someone care for you?

The witch clenched her teeth and wrenched the thoughts of her 'friend' from her mind. Right now she had something more important to focus on.

In her hand was a wickedly sharp knife. The silvery blade was held in a shaky grip and positioned above her left knee. This was to be the final preparation for the switch. In order to ensure that Viola didn't somehow manage to turn her plan around on her, she needed to cripple this body.

The idea was simple. Cut off both legs and gouge out the eyes. She already had plenty of sheets nearby to act as tourniquets so that she didn't bleed to death. In addition to that, her magic could keep her alive for a time even after her body started to fail. Yet something was stopping her.

It wasn't the pain. She knew how horribly it would hurt, but she was well acquainted with agony. It was something that could be conquered with the right amount of mental willpower. Sooner or later, pain stopped hurting.

No. What was stopping her was something much less sinister.

It was Viola.

Ellen had never had a friend before. Being touched like that was something she didn't know how to handle. Harsh words and cold exile where things she could deal with, but a soft touch and a gentle word…

They were maddening.

Despite everything, she felt the unfamiliar sensation of guilt welling up in her heart. She hated it.

It wasn't her fault the blonde ditz was such a fool! What sane person would agree to switch bodies with a dying witch they found in the woods? Surely she deserved what was coming. Putting her faith in others like that… trusting Ellen not to hurt her… how stupid was that?

And yet, the feelings didn't subside. They only grew stronger the more she tried to justify her actions.

She was going to die if she didn't do anything. Viola had offered her body willingly! It wasn't like she was tying her to a post and ripping out her soul! She knew what she was getting into.

That wasn't true.

She didn't know what the purple haired girl had planned. She was blissfully unaware that she had no intention of giving her body back.

Suddenly, Ellen felt another presence in the room. Looking up, she spotted a small black cat lurking at the foot of her bed. This was her demon.

"What is it?" She snapped, already frustrated by her current position.

He simply sat, watching her in silent amusement. Something about his demeanor told her that he could tell exactly what was bothering her.

"If you don't have something important to say, then get out."

The cat tilted his head to the side.

"Oh come now my dear, why so upset?" His tone was almost mocking. "Are you afraid of the knife's bite? If you want I could have one of the staff perform the surgery for you."

"I'm not afraid of anything." She stated bluntly. This elicited a chuckle from the tiny figure.

"So I see."

"I am fully capable of doing this myself." She said, willing her gaze to show no hint of her conflict. "Go and make the final preparations for the ritual. I will handle crippling this body."

The demon made a great show of arching his back in a massive stretch.

"As you wish." He said lazily. "_Mistress_."

With that, he jumped down from the bed and left the room in order to finish working. Ellen watched him go with a frown.

This was getting worse by the minute. It was bad enough that she felt so twisted up about Viola, but letting the demon see her weakness…

It was a dangerous game she played.

Turning her attention back to the knife, she debated once more about the merits of her plan. Everything was in place. Her host was walking headlong into the trap without a care in the world. All she had to do was remove a few pieces from this failing body and there would be no turning back.

Ellen's free hand crushed the sheets in a white-knuckled grip.

Why was this so hard! She just had to do this one last thing and she could live the life she'd always wanted. Free from sickness. Free from pain. She would have a loving father who would care for her as his own.

All she had to do was kill her only friend…

She viciously shook her head to dislodge the stray thought. Viola wasn't her friend! She was just a tool to be used and discarded. Nothing more. If she had even the slightest idea who her sickly companion was in reality she wouldn't hesitate to end Ellen's life.

"_I would never sit by and let you suffer._"

The words rose, unbidden into her mind stabbing at her heart like a white hot lance. Was this what life was like? Sacrificing those who cared about you for your own happiness…?

She couldn't deny it. She knew that Viola DID care about her. What's worse, she knew she cared about Viola as well. She didn't want to hurt her only friend.

The witch heaved a sigh that quickly turned into a fit of coughing. Ellen quickly placed an arm over her mouth, blocking the wet hacking that dragged their claws through her ravaged lungs. When at last the painful experience subsided, she drew back her arm.

It was slick with flecks of blood.

Death was getting closer by the minute. Right now she was balanced on the precipice of her salvation. It all came down to one simple question; whose life mattered more? Hers or Viola's?

She was disturbed to find that she didn't know the answer.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. The whole thing was supposed to be easy. Lure some idiot into her trap and take their life for her own. Now everything was a terrible mess.

Closing her eyes, Ellen placed the knife on her bedside table. She still had time to decide later.

Right now she just wanted to rest and pretend she didn't have to make this choice.


End file.
